Bringing Artful Expression When Your Partner Turns You Off


In this video from the June 2019 Art of Fearless Intimacy intensive in New York, a feminine woman describes that she feels repulsed when her masculine partner sends her selfies. John and Kendra speak to why this is, and how she can respond truthfully in a way that will not crush him.

They also go in depth into how:

  • No human being is completely masculine or feminine

  • Some people have a feminine relationship to their body, even if they have a masculine sexual essence, and vise versa

  • The feminine in all of us craves attention and to be seen

  • A lot of feminine women have deeper spiritual practices than their masculine partners

  • To evoke his masculine, you can focus on what you trust about him

  • Amplify what you trust by praising and honoring those things you trust in him

  • Then find an artful way to express your honest response to the behavior that repulses you (i.e. joke and play with it while maintaining an open heart)

  • You can also feel the part of his heart wherein lies his desire to be seen, and send love to that

  • Because we are always evoking, recognize where you are evoking that behavior in the first place (i.e. your masculine relationship to your body polarizes his feminine)

  • To evoke his masculine, you can "out feminine" him (i.e. make your relationship to your body more feminine than his relationship to his body)

  • Ask yourself, "Does what it evokes feel good?” (to you, to him, to the moment...) And take an honest assessment.

Sometimes responsiveness to the thing that will crush your partner is not called for. IF IT IS, you can always find an artful way to express that response in order to honor what lies beneath the thing they are doing.

In this example, beneath her partner’s unmet feminine desire to be seen. The way to meet this is to express compassion for where it comes from, amplify what you love and trust about him, and artfully "out feminine" him to re-polarize the dynamic.