Staying Open After a Deep Experience of Love
In this 5-minute clip from the August 2018 Art of Fearless Intimacy workshop in Boulder CO, John and Kendra describe ways to recognize how and why we close our hearts after having a deep experience of love.
Closure that occurs after we experience a deep opening or intimate experience is usually residue from childhood wounding.
You are likely the worst judge of how you are doing. Other’s will reflect it much better.
Opening is so scary, and even traumatic, a part of you wants to bring you back to a homeostasis of a certain level of closure you recognize, by judging, criticizing and questioning yourself.
It's an act of "unconditional friendliness," to acknowledge that part of you by saying, "Thanks but no thanks," and then let the openness you created find its own place in your experience.
John's teacher David Deida would say that to recognize that your body is responding to a thought - to recognize your closure - is also a step of opening, so it's important to recognize your particular 'flavor' of closure - nagging, harsh criticism, shame, etc. - and when you do this habitually.
When you come to recognize, name, and get in relationship with this part of you, you can then work with it and integrate it, so it can eventually become an ally.