How to Separate with Integrity
In this video from the 2018 Embodied Men’s Leadership Training retreat in the Panamint Valley, CA desert, John describes how a masculine partner can lead a relationship to a close with care and integrity.
Before feeling into whether a relationship should come to an end. a masculine partner should practice, to the best of his ability, and for a significant period of time, to show up fully, lead his relationship well, and take responsibility for the culture he’s created.
A lot of partners will stay long after they’ve decided their relationship should come to a close, and it serves nobody to do that. If you own your truth, the deep pure feminine in your partner cannot ignore that.
Don’t immediately withdraw. To end your relationship with dignity and integrity, you must create structure. This is the deepest practice and the way to create the least amount of damage on your partner and your family.
Create a container around the methods and times that you can show up for her throughout the separation.
Create a process to work through all the pain that comes up, beginning with owning your part in the relationship. Share with your partner the things you regret most in how you treated her, and the things you are most grateful for in her. Ask your partner, “What can I do to alleviate any pain you’re still carrying from the relationship?” and “What do you need to say to me for us to be clear?”
Your best attempts at integrity and structure are not guaranteed. The feminine may resist your structure, especially if she is feeling hurt or angry, which can be painful.
Ultimately, feel into everything - the impact on the kids, the impact on her, your desires etc., and let what wants to come next emerge from that place. Having practiced conscious separation, you will step away knowing that, even in the face of pain, you did your very best.