It’s Time to Take Responsibility for the Sins of Other Men

I believe we have reached a time in romantic relationships where we, as men who endeavor to lead our relationships with more integrity, depth, and love than ever before, have a choice.

We can continue to go on eschewing the sins of our fathers, our privilege (especially as white males), our numbness, our lack of embodied presence, our addictions to comfort, and our emotional indulgences. Or we can take 100% responsibility for what males, as by-and-large the controlling gender since the dawn of humanity, have allowed to take hold of on the planet. This is not a political rallying cry.  It is not a policy prescription. No. This is a call for men to collectively take an unwavering stand and commit ourselves to healing the mistrust, trauma, and closure the modern woman is facing and, maybe for the first time ever, fully allowing her to reveal herself. It is a historic stand for love and consciousness over success, comfort, and security.


The space for assuaging this pain of millennia is relationship. It has to be. All the policy changes in the world will be meaningless if the fundamental dynamics between the Masculine and Feminine, in the context of love, are not meaningfully transformed. How do we begin this transformation? One feminine relationship at a time.

First, recognize the expanse of epigenetic and karmic pain the feminine is awakening to; second, feel how our own depth, leadership, love and consciousness can help transmute that pain into a source of light in the world; and third, take full responsibility for healing the sins of our fathers, and of all the men who have come before.

It does no good for men to take the stand, “I didn’t rape, pillage, torture, or traumatize women. That was generations passed. That was her ex. That was her father.  Why the fuck is it on me to have to bear the brunt of her trauma, rage, and mistrust?”  Well the simple answer is because it is where we find ourselves.  This is the moment we were born into. Every generation of men has karmic battle to face.  This #metoo, post-feminist moment is our karma. And because we love them. We love our partners, our children, the planet, and humanity.  I believe taking on this healing of one woman’s heart at a time IS the great challenge facing men in the world today. Not making more money.  Not coming up with the next tech miracle. Not traveling the jungles of Peru to do Ayahuasca. The battlefield of love and consciousness, as Carlos Castaneda would frame it, is the only battle worth fighting.  We are right in the middle of it, brothers. Can you feel it? We are at a crucial moment in the history of love—and thereby, the history of humanity.

If there is to be an up-leveling of consciousness on a global scale, it must include, and downright start with, the transmutation of man’s relationship to the feminine. I am not simply talking about the man’s relationship to women. I believe his connection to the feminine in all forms—nature, money, the world and, ultimately, his feminine partner—must be revolutionized. As my teacher has exclaimed many times, these are all aspects of The Feminine. How a man relates to nature, money, or the world in general, is quite often exactly how he relates to women. Is he unconscious and lacking a true practice of awe and wonder when staring at a vast ocean or is he distracted by thought?  Is he grasping for more money and success without truly appreciating what he has? Has he already left the present moment in search of the next thing he has to do? Each of these unconscious habits creates more pain—rather than more of the unshakable space of conviction needed for healing.

Instead, what if we simply took responsibility for all of it? The injuries our fathers and brothers have unleashed on the planet, on the feminine heart and body, and on humanity? What if we recognized the karmic possibilities of renewal in this stance?  What if we truly faced it, head on this unique moment? This is not as daunting a task as you might think. It can be achieved one moment at a time, through the recognition of each opportunity the feminine, both as world and as human being, presents to us.

Imagine going to a beautiful forest or national park. The wild elegance of the feminine as pristine pine, sunshine and the sound of birdsong relaxes your nervous system immediately. The air is fresh, and the lush beauty is nourishing to your heart and soul. Now imagine stumbling upon beer cans, gun shells, and discarded plastic near a hastily built fire pit. You might be annoyed, but you do not know what to do. You think, “I could clean that up, but what difference would it make? I didn’t make that mess. It’s not my responsibility.” Besides, there are likely hundreds such trash piles, most often left by men, scattered across the forest.

Rather than simply shrugging and moving on to take your nourishment from less contaminated spaces in the forest, what would happen if you packed up all you could and in its place left an offering of beautifully organized pine cones, rocks and greens? What if you made your own small version of the indigenous medicine wheel and sincerely left it as heartfelt amends to the unconsciousness of the men who came before and just took from Her? What if you said a blessing, thanking the forest for her beauty and asking her permission to continue deeper into her mysteries? Can you imagine how she might be willing to show you more of her delicate wonder? Are you sensitive enough to feel how the energy of the space and time could shift, open, and deepen?  Could you consider the possibility of a richer energetic loop between you and the forest after that type of heartfelt offering?

Now feel the similarities of that forest and the heart of a woman you love. Are there proverbial trash piles left by previous lovers or other men in the form of trauma, abuse, and neglect? Could you make the commitment, just as in nature, of cleaning up the debris and leaving a blessing in its place? This may take the form of holding space for her pain from previous relationships. It may be getting her help from a professional to heal her past. It may be creating a communication practice where she feels deeply heard and felt. It may take the form of deeply nourishing and present sex where her body is literally worshipped by your conscious love. It may be encouraging her to join a women’s group where she can share her aches and wounds with other women. Whatever the form of mending, your steadfast intention to stand by her side and take on these lacerations will transform you, your children, and I believe, your entire relationship destiny.  

This is not easy work. I know that firsthand. But the devotion, appreciation, and energetic gifts I have seen men receive (including myself) go beyond any form of relating you have most likely ever experienced. A massive piece of claiming a woman's heart is this commitment. It is not enough to “put a ring on it,” support her mission on the planet, make a good living, be a good father, and do some good work in the world. This is the missing piece in my opinion. And men need to awaken to it. It is what love is calling for at this time in history. We can either ignore it and put our head down in the video game, work project, or other distraction of comfort; or we can stand tall, as kings, and begin to take on the daunting task of repairing thousands of years of mistreatment.  I have made my choice. What is yours?