Why Our Stories Kill the Spark in Our Relationships
In this video from the November 2018 Art of Fearless Intimacy intensive in Santa Monica, John and Kendra describe why it’s important to come to an intimate moment with as little history as possible.
The story masculine partners often tell themselves in a relationship in which they believe they are ‘losing’ is, “It’s never good enough.”
It’s important that the feminine in a relationship lets the masculine know if they’re winning or losing. Otherwise, they won’t know. However, the feminine often has more energy around the ‘losing,’ and what’s not right in the relationship, and don’t bring the same decibel level to the “You’re winning.”
The story that the feminine often tells is, “I’m not being met.” Most feminine beings in a post-feminine climate who feel their heart isn’t being met in a relationship reach for the tools they were taught that serve them well in business and in life, like goal-setting, leading, managing and directing, and they apply those to their masculine partner, thinking that will get their heart met.
Trying to solve the problem of an unmet heart with a masculine toolkit, at best, kills the spark in the relationship, and at worst, becomes castrating for the masculine partner.
Rather than tell a masculine partner what to do, the feminine must reveal to them how it feels to have an unmet heart. Revealing in this way is inspiring for the masculine partner.
This is why you want to come to each moment with as little history as possible. If you come to a moment without history, you’re just two hearts, consciousness and love, having the experience in this moment. Once you start getting good at being in the present moment, then you also get good at expressing your stories through your bodies, in the present moment, in a way that is inspiring.