Dispelling the Myth of "There Are No Good Men"
In this video from the October 2019 Spiritual Intimacy and Modern Love workshop at Alchemical Studios in NY, John and Connor Beaton from ManTalks answer the question, “Where are all the good men?”
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Women commonly mistrust that most men would be able to hold their fully surrendered hearts. Of course, surrendering is not easy, especially in a world where women have been given the messages to be more masculine and that surrendering isn’t safe. It’s terrifying for a woman to surrender, but a fully surrendered, fully expressed heart is the truest expression of who you are, and therefore, the safest place to be.
There is a duality of responsibility between the masculine and the feminine when it comes to surrender. The masculine responsibility is to create a meticulous and sacred container to allow surrender to happen; the feminine responsibility is to feel and express the truth of her heart, which may include revealing the terror of surrendering fully.
Part of your responsibility is owning the limitations you create and notions you perpetuate as a result, such as the notions that, “There are no good men,” or, “There are no men that can handle all of me.” When you allow the world to occur according to those notions, even if you are in a relationship with a “good man,” you will challenge and test him, and look for the ways in which he is not meeting you in the ways you desire most.
You may also find yourself choosing men who can’t hold your fully surrendered heart because you haven’t actually owned your terror of surrender.
Conscious men are all around us. The problem that most women face is that their history keeps them from seeing the consciousness within the man, and so they relate with the man’s habits, rather than the consciousness beneath the surface.
If you make an offering of your fully expressed heart to the consciousness beneath the habits of the body & mind of the man in front of you, you will evoke the best in him. This is the essence of sexual yoga.
Your capacity to feel past his habits and into the depth of who he really is will be your incredible gift to him if you give him the best of you. In order to do this, you must cultivate your own personal practice.
The first step in dispelling the myth of, “There are no good men,” is to fully feel and own the part of you that is afraid to surrender, and then offer it as a gift to consciousness, rather than put your focus on the men who aren’t here to hold you.