It's Not About the Toast
In this video from the June 2020 Art of Spiritual Intimacy Online Weekend Immersion, John describes how you can artfully play with the feminine complaint.
You’ll learn:
The difference between the masculine and feminine desires in an argument
The impulse of the masculine in all of us is for things to come to an end so that there can be peace
The impulse of the feminine in all of us is “not peace” — because the feminine is always changing, and always in movement
This doesn’t mean that there aren’t peaceful elements of the feminine, but even a breeze can be incredibly peaceful until it shifts
The feminine wants to make sure you’re not closing or ejecting
A part of deep masculine practice is training your nervous system to open while you’re uncomfortable
If you’re in an argument, one of the ways to bring it to an end is to help your feminine partner to be fully expressed
The argument is never about the complaint your partner makes — they may say it’s about the car keys, the garbage, or the last piece of toast, but it’s really about their desire for connection and an expression of energy
Often the feminine complains because your consciousness waned and it hurt their feelings in some way
When the masculine loses consciousness of the feminine heart, it occurs to them like being dropped
The way to work with a disagreement is to tussle
This does not apply to major life decisions, trauma, or deep upset
Learning how to tussle can be confounding, but there are a few elements that you can bring to it: a sense of humor, sexual energy, and moving their body with your body
For example, in an argument over toast at breakfast, your partner wants you to put the toast in your mouth and say, “You want this toast, baby? Come and get it!” Or they want you to make them do something for the toast.
You will begin to see that almost every feminine complaint is a reflection of your consciousness in that moment — if you look at it that way, then now they become an oracle for your level of consciousness
If you admit that you lost consciousness without defending yourself, and learn to be artful with the complaint, your partner will be able to trust you again