Flipping the Karmic Script in Relationships
In this video from the 2020 Embodied Men's Leadership Training, John states that the moment we can flip the script and be the giver of our unmet childhood needs (i.e. safety, unconditional love, total acceptance, etc.), we create an opening to elevate from the incessant search for the “right partner” to meet them.
You'll learn:
Many people approach new relationships from the perspective of, "This partner doesn't give me what I want, so I'm going to find a partner who does."
As proven in the Imago Relationship Therapy work of Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, even if you pick someone who gives you the thing you seek that was never met as a child, you're going to find a way not to get it.
Our nervous systems are wired to recreate the experience of our childhood needs not getting met because that is how our childhood nervous systems learned love.
A partner could be doing the exact thing you desire or saying the exact thing you need to hear, and you often won't believe them. You'll say, "You don't really mean it."
One way through this is to recognize that the thing that was never met as a child will never be met by another person until you both agree to do the work to give it to each other in a conscious container (The Imago Intentional Dialogue is a great structure for this.)
The practice is to give the thing you need most, rather than seek it.
Another approach you can take in your personal yogic and meditative personal practice is to learn to give yourself the thing you need most first, in your own body and experience, and then give it to your partner from there.
You give it, not the way that you want it, or the way your nervous system is aching for it, but the way your partner's nervous system can metabolize and receive it. This is crucial in a polarized relationship dynamic.
Then you will find, more of than not, that your partner will reciprocate. And, ultimately, it won't matter as much because you will have elevated the need.